I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
