I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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