JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
