we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
