What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
