Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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