his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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