Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
