So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
