Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
