When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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