so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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