i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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