I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
