my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
