Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
