If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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