her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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