so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize