So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
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