I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
