Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize