By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
