I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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