if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
