my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My life is pants optional.
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