What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
