Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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