weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
