it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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