i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
