Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
