She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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