In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
