yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
