Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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