how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
