how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
