someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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