I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
