dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
