Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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