Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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