I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
