Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Acid is not a monday night drug
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
