You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
