I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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