it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
