I think I died a long time ago.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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