dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
