I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize