While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
