I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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