I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
