I hate your face
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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