Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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