just survived the first fart of the relationship.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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