not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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