he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
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