Me. At least after what I've been through.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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