Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i think my cat just said my name.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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