she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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